Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Molly

I went to a funeral this afternoon.  I rode my bicycle there in the rain and it seemed so fitting.  I realized that a bright, sunny day would have seemed equally fitting though.  Molly, a spunky young woman, my age, wrecked her car on the interstate last week.  The last bit of time I spent with her was at the clothing swap party a few weeks back.  It was such a shock as these things tend to be.  Naturally, it is very sorrowful for all those whose lives she had touched and the grief is radiating thorough my circle of friends, many of whom had know her longer and were much closer to Molly than I had been.  It goes without saying that her family is devastated.  Today was the first time I met any of her family, but I'd heard her talk about them and know they meant the world to her.  I can only imagine what they are feeling.

It is a challenging thing to be so directly confronted with death and your own mortality.  Perhaps it isn't for some people, but I am still trying to make sense of the whole thing.  I am sure I'll be thinking deep for days.

As of this moment, I feel there is a lot of good that can come from this.  There has to be.  That is all there is to it.  If Molly had to die this way I think it is our duty to try to make a positive light appear from the darkness.   She struggled on through life's curve balls, and so must we.

Today, hugging beautiful, loving, generous Chelsey, whom I had only seen once in the last months and months, I felt that life was too quickly passing me by and that perhaps I needed to slightly alter my priorities, broaden my focus.  I was thinking that I can get too caught up with my home and my projects and work taking so much time....that I need to make more time for my friends, especially my girlfriends...my sisters in this world.   And I need to make more time for my family even if it just means calling more often since they live away from me.

Life is so incredibly rich and wonderful, but full of surprises...some of which are less than wonderful to say the least.  I don't feel that I should just expect that there will be another occasion to talk with them or pay them a visit.  There may not be.  And if there is, well all the better, but if there isn't I will know that I shared with them some very special moments while we had the chance.  I won't regret that I thought I was too busy doing the laundry or selling tie-dye or whatever to take that opportunity.  Life is too short for that.

This all seems so cliche that I can barely stand it, but that is the truth of my heart today so I will embrace it.

When I left the church the sun was shining.  I rode my bicycle slowly, reflecting on the day, and took a different route than usual.  I heard a car honk, looked over, and it was Casey whom I'd been meaning to connect with since June!  Oh, my hilariously crazy, fun, free-spirited Casey, what a most utterly perfect time to cross my path!  It seemed like synchronicity to me.  I was so grateful to hug her and see her smiling face.  It was just what I needed in that moment.

4 comments:

  1. A longtime (35 yr) friend died when he made a left turn from the turn lane last week. A woman high on drugs was going the wrong way, and was to his left. As he made his legal turn, she slammed into his drivers door, killing him instantly. It was so horrid. All so unfair. He was 78 and should have died in his 1939 Staggerwing airplane he was rebuilding.

    I told his daughter I would not have grieved so if he crashed his airplane. She said they all expected Dad to die in the plane. It was not fair. But, I had the memory of spending 45 minutes talking with him, his young wife and their four-year-old less than 24-hours before his death. That and memories are all I have.

    Let me tell you something. Grief is more acute when you are young. Take my word for it. It is just the way it is unless it is a close relative. I remember questioning and all the "ifs" when I was younger.

    This kind of death is so random that you just cannot hold your breath and try to do it all right before someone else dies. I know. It is all so senseless when grief is new. There are no sense when the grief and the jagged hole is old. I am sorry for your friend and her family.

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  2. You have such a way with words Beth. After blowing my nose and wiping tears I feel that you are exactly right. It is amazing how fragile we are and how fast time goes... Just steadily slipping away. I would love to plan a lunch or even just a walk in the fall painting that is our little world right now. :)I just want you to know that no matter how much time passes or where ever our roads go, I am forever grateful for your love and friendship. It is simply because of people like you and Molly, that this world is a marvelous place to live. (hugs)

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  3. Its so hard to see "the good" in any situation like this- you're positive outlook is just one of the things that makes you so incredibly awesome. Thinking waaaay back to highschool I remember how tragedy brought us all closer together. Im not convinced that you, Val, Megan, Alli, Zach, Cody, etc... would have felt as close or meant as much to me as you all do now. Sending out waves of my magical rainbow healing powers to those hurting from your friends departure. *HUG*

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  4. Love and thanks to you wonderful, caring souls. I don't know what else to say, so I will just leave it at that. Thanks for taking a moment to say a few words.

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Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts and ideas. I value the advice and friendship that you share with me!